The fact that I have before contributed to the Human Rights Campaign and the American Civil Liberties Union makes me, to some, some kind of activist. To others, acknowledging my life-partnership with a woman is equal to having the audacity to “flaunt my political views” in their face. As if love and commitment are political. Last time I checked, those two qualities were the foundation of Family. Throw a couple kids in that mix and I am practically an extremist, somehow contributing to the collapse of families and good values worldwide. And Recycling? In Texas? SACRILEGIOUS!
In fact, if you took a sampling of our Lifestyle, it would all balance out to the sum of Not Much Different Than Any Other Family.
We work hard. We share in household duties. We communicate. We go to church. We have utmost respect and deep love for one another. We hold our family and friends close to our hearts. We try to be socially conscious consumers. And with kids, our day-to-day now includes changing a kajillion diapers, the ebb and flow of confidence in parenting and lack thereof, lots of cuddling and kisses, and celebrating on those seemingly rare occasions when we do something right.
Our mere existence as a two-mom family, however, makes us different. A few weeks back, I had the bright idea (cue in Not So Bright) of making the kids’ follow-up doctor visit and my doctor appointment on the same day. We entered my doctor’s clinic, a waiting room full of patients, with a twin stroller and both of them beginning to stir from hunger. Bruiser started making his Cowardly Lion sounds, the sounds he makes pre- You-Have-Five-Seconds-To-Get-Me-What-I-Want-Before-I-Erupt-In-A-Volume-They’ll-Hear-Outside-And-By-The-Way-I-Am-Not-Telling-You-What-It-Is-That-I-Need. So the Beloved takes him on a stroll up and down the hall, their presence marked by the waning and acceleration of his hollering like that of a passing fire truck. BUT LOUDER. My whole desire to fly under the radar? Continue being a behind-the-scenes kind of person? NOT HAPPENING.
I began to feed Birdie, her very loud gulping sounds tickling her audience in the waiting room. “Oh, how precious she is,” someone says. “Thanks,” I say, “That piercing of your eardrums? That’s her brother.” “Oh, wow, twins! A boy and a girl. You and your husband must be so happy to have your family complete.” Crickets chirping. A bunch of pregnant women, their mom’s and husbands in tow with eyes on me. Do I step up and say who we are? Or do I say what they want to hear? “Actually,” I say, “that’s my partner with our son outside. She is soothing him while I wait to be called in. And yes, we are incredibly blessed to have them both.”
Yes, having kids puts me on the front lines of various forms of Activism, whether I like it or not. The reality is that things are made a bit more challenging when you aren’t made up of One Woman and One Man. But we owe it to Those Who Have Cleared A Path For Us that we DO get some benefits, some acknowledgment of the family that we are. Example? We have a church that loves and accepts us exactly as we are. We are members of our neighborhood’s Kid’s Group – and we aren’t the only same-sex parent household. We are members of a local Mother’s of Multiples Group and no one bats an eye. We get to use the Beloved’s Dependent Care Flexible Spending Account for the kids even though she is not the biological parent.
Speaking of which, let me just say, I may have been the baby oven, but these kids would not be here without the help of the Beloved. The RaJenBabies were conceived in prayer and love from the both of us. She took care of me during pregnancy. And by doing so, she took care of them. She is as much responsible for their existence just as sure as they came out of my belly. And she is just as committed and involved with their caretaking, and just as smitten as I am. In other words, she is ONE HUNDRED PERCENT PARENT, biological or not.
And that brings up one of those trails worn in by the brave souls who have fought battles before our arrival and because of that, we have the ability to do things we might not have otherwise been able to do: Adoption.
It’s fitting, then, that on this 3rd Annual Blogging for LGBT Families Day that we share our good news: The Beloved will officially and legally adopt the RaJenBabies on Friday, June 6, finalizing a process we began in February. We will have family members there with us to share in our joyous moment and we will celebrate together. By court order, The Beloved will be as much a parent to them as I, forever and ever. Maybe, then, families like mine aren’t going to be different for very long after all.
15 comments
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June 2, 2008 at 2:12 pm
Debra
That’s really awesome news. I’m hoping that I can complete my daughter’s second parent adoption in August. We’re working on getting the home study done in time.
Debra
June 2, 2008 at 3:01 pm
Tracy E
Good for you guys!! Congratulations!!
June 2, 2008 at 3:03 pm
The Milk Maid
Fabulous news! The “legal” icing on an already fantastic cake 🙂
June 2, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Shawna
Amen, sister!!
The best way for the LGBT community to be active is by first standing up in our communities and being active participants!
So glad that you’re leading the pack and setting an example for the older and younger gay and lesbian kids to follow.
We’re just like everyone else!
Congrats on the finalizing of your adoption.
June 2, 2008 at 4:06 pm
kpaull
Well said! For someone so sleep-deprived you are sounding incredibly articulate! 🙂 You guys are light-years ahead of where I was back in the day. Congratulations, and clink a glass from us. It is time the worls celebrated loving and committed families however they are made! Much love to the four of you!
June 2, 2008 at 4:53 pm
Mombian » Blog Archive » Blogging for LGBT Families Day: Contributed Posts
[…] *RaJen Creation: Families Like Mine […]
June 2, 2008 at 5:21 pm
ohchicken
i love this entry so very much. it echoes my sentiments exactly. and as a fellow texas resident, i am so grateful for the option of 2nd parent adoption. we are in the process too, and i am so happy it’s happening for you so quickly! we won’t be able to finalize until december!
June 2, 2008 at 5:31 pm
The mother hen
goosebumps and tears. Sorry I’m hormonal!
June 2, 2008 at 9:11 pm
Jennifer
Beautiful!
June 2, 2008 at 9:55 pm
meg
Awesome post! And so much congrats to you and the Beloved… I am so happy for you guys!
June 2, 2008 at 11:28 pm
Michell
That’s fantastic. Congrats to both of you. For the life of me I can’t see why people think that if you aren’t just like them you are doing it wrong but you are both doing such a fantastic and right job it’s an honor to watch.
June 3, 2008 at 6:55 am
indigoscot
congratulations on the upcoming second parent adoption! i’m so glad we were able to do this in our state, although it’s only a select few counties that will actually allow it. in our relationship too, dp is 100% baby indigoscot’s parent, even before the adoption hearing. we planned and conceived him together and she took extra special care of me during my pregnancy. i don’t think we are any different from any other family!!
now that we are in the planning stages for baby #2, i can’t wait to see dp pregnant and experience parenthood again from a whole new perspective.
as a side note, everyone we know, gay and straight, thinks our family is awesome and that we are doing a fantastic job in raising our son…all except my own mum…but that’s another story.
June 3, 2008 at 1:17 pm
amy
im so thrilled that the adoption is coming up so soon 🙂 i know its a technicallity – she’s a mommy, without a doubt!
and for what its worth, one of my big hopes for my son (after health and happiness) is that he embraces all different families – im on the look out for a fun 2 mommy/daddy family with kids his age to play with. 🙂
June 4, 2008 at 8:43 am
Becca93
CONGRATULATIONS! We’ll be thinking of you Friday 🙂
August 12, 2008 at 10:15 pm
Cor
So excellent! I have a 4.5 month old, and I’m loving your story; must be the familiarity of baby stuff (or your clever writing)! Your little people are beautiful and blessed to have such great mommies. Congratulations!