He used to sleep through the night.
But it’s been so long, the nights such a blur, that I’m not even sure when the last full night’s sleep was.
It has usually taken a few days, after being sick, for him to fall back into his sleep-through-the-night routine (defined as 7:30 p.m. to 5:00 a.m. ish). But after the Thanksgiving Week DIARRHEATHON, he has taken to waking 1 to 3 times per night, and he will only be calmed by a bottle. A habit we had no small part in creating since we HAD to keep him hydrated so as to avoid hospitalization, which meant giving him a bottle every couple hours, 24-hours a day, for a couple of days. Call us enablers.
Let me break it down: He is not undernourished. Might I remind you that he weighs nearly 21 pounds. He is getting plenty during the day – upwards of 35-40 ounces, including the 12 ounces at bedtime that he demands. And this is in ADDITION to the three meals a day that he’s getting. He is not sick (thank you, Jesus!). He is not too cold or too hot. He is getting solid naps during the day. He does not respond to shhhhhhh-ibng, nor pats on the back, nor tender loving whispers. If anything, anything less than a bottle escalates his cries. Yes, we have let him see if he can put himself back to sleep. But the thing is, he’s not ever truly awake; at least not until the times that he’s waking between 4:00 a.m. and 5:00 a.m., but the wakings between 10 p.m. and 3:00 a.m., he’s not really awake and won’t even open his eyes. Yes, we’ve tried making sure his diaper is dry and have changed it when it’s not. Yes, we have white noise. No, nothing in his routine has changed. I’m telling you, it is JUST A HABIT.
A HABIT THAT NEEDS TO BE BROKEN.
So I made the mistake of telling my mother that we were considering moving H to the guest room to sleep in the pack-n-play, while we left M in the nursery in his crib (the less variables we change, the better) and POSSIBLY did the forbidden and controversial Cry-It-Out-Method. And listen, internet, don’t even go off on me for the CIO method since I’m drafting a post (albeit only in my head right now) about ALL KINDS OF CONTROVERSIAL PARENTING ISSUES that we’ve either breached or embraced and you can blast off your opinions on that one. Get in line and wait your turn.
So, here you have a recorded message from my mom – a message she left on my cell phone voicemail yesterday afternoon – as a warning to her first grandson. This is proof that grandparents will work against you. (Nice touch with the still photo of M, right?)
I didn’t check my voicemail until this morning on my way to work and I laughed so hard when I did. Yes, I’m evil. And exhausted. ‘Tis the season.
RaJenCreation 
17 comments
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December 17, 2008 at 6:50 pm
Staci
Ear infection…… we have been going through the same thing. At first I thought our boy was teething but finally decided to take him to the dr. He had double ear infection which usually hurt more when they lay down.
Good luck!
December 17, 2008 at 8:16 pm
Heather
I’m not voting for OR against cry-it-out. I think you are both wonderful parents and little bits oh boy is lucky to have you. But if you’d like a gentler (in theory) idea for the interim, here it is . . . you can immediately replace his milk bottles with water (you could also do this next time he gets sick).
While you’d still be getting up to give him a bottle (a.k.a. not sleeping) after two or three days of this you will know that he doesn’t need to eat. I understand that you “know” this now, but if you were to have any tiny doubts this would help.
The kids pediatrician said that if they are taking less than three ounces of milk in a bottle during the night they don’t need it. We had some trouble with Tabitha once upon a time and this was her pediatrician’s advice.
Dunno if this helps or not but sometimes it’s nice to know you have options – even if you don’t use them. It could also help with well-meaning grandparents (not that I’m saying you need it – that message made my day!).
December 17, 2008 at 8:16 pm
Goddess in Progress
You won’t hear an ounce of judgment from me, sister. Sometimes I absolutely think CIO is the right choice – when done right. Have you read Ferber’s book? I thought it was totally worth reading just for the “aha!” moment about sleep associations, just exactly what you’re talking about.
We did Ferber’s CIO method by-the-book, and it worked like a charm. You just have to believe in what you’re doing, and commit to it 100%. It wasn’t easy, but when they both woke up laughing a few days later after a full night’s sleep… man, I knew it was the right thing.
Good luck!
December 17, 2008 at 9:37 pm
indigoscot
we did cio with baby indigoscot. was it easy? no. but he was TOO SMART to do it any other way. for instance he would cry and then pause to see if we were coming in there to pick him up. when we didn’t the crying would intensify, then another pause. you get the idea. after about a week to a week and a half he was happily sleeping though the night. there have been slips of course when he’s been sick or teething but we just went right back to ignoring him and it only took a day to get back on track. i will say it was the toughest thing ever to just lay there and listen to him cry…
good luck!
December 17, 2008 at 11:26 pm
RaJen
Staci – he’s definitely been a night waker when he’s had ear infections, but the “benefit” (????) to him having had five already is that we are pros at detecting the signs and symptoms when he has an ear infection. and an ear infection he hath not have.
Heather – interesting idea about the water. unfortunately, he’ll take down between 6 and 8 ounces for his middle of the night snack. a bottle of water at night, for us, would simply reinforce to him that he can get liquid through a suckling (soothing for him) action. We haven’t made any decisions about what to do, though tonight IS my night on M-duty, so minds may be made up soon!
Goddess – totally love that name, by the way. Haven’t read Ferber, but I’m familiar with the gist. It’s an option we’re mulling over.
Indigoscot – right? we’ll have to move H no matter which route we take because any amount of escalating crying runs the risk of having two awake babies. Good times!
December 17, 2008 at 11:55 pm
Courtnie
do it!! I started a mild version of cio when Dex was 8 months (would not let him cry longer then 15 min)- and I swore I would never try it, but after a month of it taking 2 hours to get him to sleep I gave in…and when it worked w/in a few days I was kicking myself for not doing it sooner. You have to do what works for your family and sanity! Good luck!
December 18, 2008 at 12:21 am
rosie
I totally agree that CIO method works when done right. I like the method Courtnie mentioned, only letting them cry 15 mins or so, go in sooth them and lay them down and try again. And also agree with the replacing the milk with water. Yes you are still awake but you don’t have to worry about M getting too many calories for the day. I forget are they binkie babies? I absoluetly loved the binkie for this reason: it tricks them, they get that soothing sucking and hopefully you get some peace and quiet. Good luck and let us know what works (if anything does lol).
December 18, 2008 at 12:31 am
amy
dude. you gotta do what works. waking 2-3 times a night clearly doesnt work. 🙂
and that voicemail was hillarious! sounds like something my mom would do… those devious grandmas!! 🙂
no real advice on getting him to sleep 😦 im doing the paci weaning soon and im looking forward to some sleepless nights of my own. *sigh*
December 18, 2008 at 2:05 am
The mother hen
Hoping this isn’t assvice, but when Miranda was a baby, she had a bout of waking in the middle of the night too, after a long stretch of sleeping through. We did give her a bottle of formula at first, but then I began to dilute it, after about a week it was straight water and she didn’t want to finish it. She would cry for a while then soothe herself to sleep. She eventually stopped waking. It helped that we had a blanket and small animal for her that we used to soothe her and put her to bed awake each night. She would use those same things when she woke in the middle of the night. We definitely let each of the kids cio. There just came a point where we knew they needed to learn the skill of soothing themselves to sleep and we were interfering, by going in and doing it for them.
Obviously every parent has their own way of doing things, and if you can raise happy, healthy kids, and keep your peace of mind, then you’re doing a great job in my opinion.
December 18, 2008 at 10:59 am
Rachel
Courtnie – with M, 15 minutes would just be a warm-up, LOL!
Rose – he used to be a binky guy, but kind of weaned himself off about a month ago. We still keep two in his crib, just in case the miracle of him accepting a paci will work at 2am, but NOOOOOOO. In fact, if you put it near his mouth he may or may not take it. and if he does, he’ll do 2-3 sucks, realize nothing is there, and SCREAM LOUDER. He’s untrickable. (Except for peek-a-boo)
Amy – good luck with the weaning!
Mother Hen – I got an email last night suggesting a “lovie” or something they sleep with. Hadn’t thought of this, but need to find something smaller than a full-size blanket. He’s a hot boy!
December 18, 2008 at 11:13 am
meg
Kris saw this post before me and was laughing her butt off at the grandma voice mail…. she played it for me. It was quite funny I must say!
I know we talked about this the other day and no matter what you end up choosing to try and make work I know you will do it well. As far as a lovie… Ausi has a “woof” thing that he seems to really like. It is soft, satin on the inside. I will send you an email pic to show you sorta what it looks like. worth a shot.
Good luck….
December 18, 2008 at 11:16 am
LauraC
Actually uploading the voice mail? Classic. You are hilarious!
Our sleep situation went to hell after the kids had extended illnesses. Once they learned to wake up and get our attention, it was a cycle that got worse and worse and worse. Finally one night they woke up 30 times between the two of them. Yes I counted because I was already awake, what else was I going to do?
We did Ferber CIO and it was a godsend to us. Since CIO two years ago (!!) Nate has only woken he seriously ill (105 fever last week, for example). Alex is not as great of a sleeper but it did break him of the habit.
December 18, 2008 at 11:21 am
Rachel
Meg – it IS funny, right? I guess grandparenting is retribution for parenting? We’ll get our turns in a few decades. 🙂
LauraC – It is completely inappropriate the time I spent on the phone with AT&T chastising them for not having the ability to transfer VM to a mp3 or wav file. And the internet research for retrieving voicemails through a third-party service (I recommend youmail!). Ultimately, I simply put my FlipVideo camera on and turned it to a pic of M on my office bulletin board and played the message on speakerphone off my cell phone. It IS hiliarious. That is, until my mom sees this post. Hopefully not until after Christmas, though, lest my stocking be full of coal.
December 18, 2008 at 11:43 am
Deena
HAHAHAHAHA
I don’t have any advice but the voice mail got me laughing.
December 18, 2008 at 5:42 pm
The Milk Maid
Best voicemail EVER…
And the whole CIO has saved my life and sanity quite a few times… there have been times I’ve relented and given the children anything they demanded to make them sleep just a little while longer too.
Go with your gut as rules are made to be broken 🙂
December 19, 2008 at 2:45 pm
prosaica
Try whatever you want. Be warned that CIO doesn’t work with some kids. One of my twins cried a lot EVERY night until at age three he got mono and started sleeping. But whatever you choose to do, do not feel guilty about it. You’re doing your best.
December 21, 2008 at 8:20 am
Goddess in Progress
My kids were “too smart” for anything but CIO, too. And reducing or diluting the bottles never worked for us, either. I know it works for some kids, but not ours. For us, I believe the issue was not HUNGER in the middle of the night (if it had been, I believe the water route would have worked), but simply the HABIT of using the bottle as a way to fall asleep. That’s when the adjustment of sleep associations (CIO) came in, and it was great. As I said, I’m glad I actually picked up the book, because I only *thought* I knew what Ferber was all about. I definitely had misconceptions.
Anyways, good luck and I hope sleep improves soon!