We had my first I-am-not-the-boss-of-me-anymore scare last week at our prenatal appointment.  I told you these weekly appointments are unnerving.  Upon arrival, and after the dreaded weigh-in (which, by the way, I’ve gained 38 pounds, which is smack dab in the middle of the you-should-gain-this-much chart in Dr. Barbara Luke’s book Proven Guidelines for a Healthy Multiple Pregnancy), I got strapped in for the Non-Stress Test (NST).  

I have previously referred to this as the Labor Lie Detector test because it monitors any contractions you might be having – know it or not – as well as the baby(s) heart rates.  All this is recorded onto a strip of paper (like an EKG strip) over a period of 20 or so minutes.  

Because I ask a lot of questions, I peppered the doctor as to what they look for.  They want to see at least two ‘accelerations’, or reactivity, per baby during a twenty minute period, and those look like little peaks on the strip.  There is a good description of what the non-stress test consists of and what they look for here.   

Well, apparently, little Birdie appeared too calm (and when compared to our little Taz, also known as Eagle, well…DUH! I mean, this has been a consistent personality pattern since their first ultrasound at six weeks).  And, in fact, there was a deceleration which can be indicative of cord compression or other fetal distress.  And just as I was asking how they go about getting reactivity and the nurse was answering “good question”, THEY TASERED MY BABY!  

Not only did she respond, but we had this chain reaction of then Taz thumping me and me coming a bit off the table. Had I known that was coming, I might have been able to tell them that SHE IS JUST NOT AWAKE AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING!   

Just to be sure, though, the doctor ordered a biophysical ultrasound.  And if you want a good scare, you can read about why they do those here.  As I was getting ready to walk down the hall for that, I asked about the criteria and scoring and what the consequences would be if the score wasn’t what she expected.  She said “well, then we’ll take a walk down to the fourth floor.”  Think. Think. Think. Crap! That would be THE LABOR AND DELIVERY FLOOR.  And then I was thinking to myself “Self, you should have packed the damn hospital bag so this wouldn’t be happening!”

Longer story shorter, Birdie hit all the criteria with flying colors.  She’s merely a bit stubborn and likes to do things when SHE wants to do them – can’t imagine where she got that from.  

Crossing my fingers, AND PACKING A BAG before the next appointment.