Until recently, E! had been sleeping in a pack-n-play in the Parental Bedroom.  This was primarily because the entire family unit was nomadic in residence while their house was being built and they were bouncing among in-laws and then a long trip to NYC.  Since then, they’ve moved her to her own digs, and she’s retaliating a bit.

“So i called E’s doc b/c she hasn’t been drinking her bottles.  Yesterday she was only eating about 4 oz/bottle and then today she ate 2oz for breakfast and 3 oz for lunch plus she hasn’t been sleeping.  They were like ‘what have you been feeding her?’ and I said ‘formula’ and they said ‘and what solids’ and I said, ‘well, nothing regularly.  Sometimes cereal, sometimes veggies and occasionally fruit.’  And I’m thinking they are going to commend me for not starting solids too early because some people wait until 6 months before they introduce solids.  Mom also tells me this EVERY TIME she compares E! to her co-workers’ kids.  The nurse was all ‘ummmm…let me give you a sample menu of what she SHOULD be eating by now: breakfast bottle followed by cereal and a veggie, lunch bottle followed by fruit, dinner bottle followed by cereal and veggie and a evening bottle.’  I was all ‘WHAT????’ So…basically, once again, I’ve been starving her.  Then I said ‘she also hasn’t slept through the night in about a month’.  To which she responded ‘that’s probably b/c she’s hungry.’  WHY DON’T THEY COME WITH INSTRUCTIONS???”

And then a few days later…

“E! slept until 1:30AM and then cried for 30 minutes before O brought her to our bed.  Mom just told me she thinks E! might have an ear infection, a UTI or….wait for it…SHAKEN BABY SYDNROME.  That’s what she read on the Internet.  WTF is wrong with her?  She is unbelievable!”

 

“Tell her to stick…to Recovery Room nursing.”

 

“The best part was after she told me that…she eliminated the ear infection and then was all ‘well, what do you think about the other two: UTI or shaken baby syndrome?’  I didn’t even respond to her. 

 then the day of E!’s doctor appointment…

“We’re taking E! to the doctor this afternoon, about her sleeping and eating issues.”

 

“I can tell you what the diagnosis will be:  Infantile Manipulitis.”

 

“Or maybe Wraparound Fingerosis, the Parental Strain.”

 

“Well, at least there is a cure for that one.  The good thing is, you’ll find out if anything is up with her.  And if there IS, then you can address it, and if there’s NOT, then INTERVENTION MUST OCCUR.  She’s going to have to go to baby rehab in her crib.  She’s totally smart, but the doctor will expose her methods!  Which, by the way, totally reminds me of this video.”

And later that day…

“So how was the appointment?  I’m sure E! was happy and glowy at the appt and all like ‘What?  Why am I here?  I’m PERFECT!’”

“He said two teeth were coming in, no ear infection, good weight, and to try and cut out the evening cereal…so basically “too bad…you will never sleep again!”

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