I am constantly stood still by this miracle of conception. And I’m amazed at how nature can be tweaked pharmacologically, and for that matter emotionally. Consider my “conception drawer”: Clomid for days 3-7, Mucinex to counter the drying effect of Clomid, green tea for the same thing, Estrodiol for days 8-12 to encourage growth of uterine lining, a Fertility Monitor to tell me the two best days to IUI, the strips that go into the monitor to measure your estrogen and luteinizing hormone, the thermometer for checking my temperature, the subscription to “Fertility Friend” for posting said temps to obsess over perceived patterns, the alarm clock to wake me up for my temperature, Ovulation Predictor Kit sticks to confirm the monitor and tell me when I’m about to ovulate, ultrasounds and bloodwork to make sure my follicles are developing/have matured/are ready to ovulate, Prochieve for days 17+, herbs from the acupuncturist for general and ovulatory health, the acupuncturist I’ll call “India”, the Royal Jelly (because if it’s what the queen bee eats and she produces thousands of bees, then maybe it’ll help me produce ONE!) the pineapple for ‘encouraging implantation’, old vials for meditation, a laparoscopic surgery, baby aspirin for I forgot what, a diaphragm for keeping the sperm in the cervix after IUI, PreSeed for the diaphragm which has the same pH as sperm, and a pregnancy test for the one day that I might be “late”. I have never wanted something so much, nor have had to try this hard to get it. Clomid jacks with your hormones. I’m on my 4th of 5 days of the stuff. This is my second cycle on Clomid, and quite likely my last. Two nights ago, I awoke to, of all things John Madden’s annoying voice on Sunday night football. My fault for not turning off the TV. I’m sure he is some great football icon of the past, but I wasn’t alive for it, and his voice, and constant need to voice off, irritates me. At 3:17 a.m., I woke up drenched in sweat. Tore off the covers, turned the fan on higher. Woke up two hours later freezing. Covered up. Woke up an hour later burning up. If this is what menopause might be like, I am all for hormone replacement therapy.

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