Remember That Movie ‘The Blair Witch Project’?

We put the kids to bed last night after their bath/bottle routine. Lesson learned there? DO NOT WAKE A SLEEPING BABY TO TAKE A BATH. Sure, we want those Hallmark commercial moments where they sit mesmerized by the water while you gently wash their tiny miraculous bodies. Those 30 second snips on TV where the kids smile adoringly at their parents as you massage lavender scented lotions on their soft skin. Where they coo at you patiently as you get the burp cloth in place and they stroke your hand while you cuddle them for their bottle. But so far? THAT IS FICTION.

The disrobing for the bath isn’t so bad, a little cry, but no biggie. They actually do like the water. But come time to pluck them out? HOLY SHIT it gets loud, the screams with lips quivering, locking their knees to the chest while you try and get the diaper on, hold the arms in close while you try and put on their jammies. The gagging because they are crying so hard because THESE FIVE MINUTES I HAVE TO WAIT FOR MY BOTTLE ARE EXCRUCIATING. And you’re going to what? SWADDLE ME? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?

So last night, after we got them in that belly-full-and-sleepy-but-still-awake state, we put them down and tiptoed back upstairs. Twenty minutes later, the Beloved calls me out from my flossing my teeth and asks me to look at the baby monitor on the bedside table. On my way into the bedroom I ask “what, did she get out of her swaddle?” “No,” she says, “just come look.”

And this is what we saw.